My heart, have you no wisdom thus to despair?

When I was in highschool, we studied this poem by James Joyce:

I HEAR an army charging upon the land,
And the thunder of horses plunging, foam about their knees:
Arrogant, in black armour, behind them stand,
Disdaining the reins, with fluttering whips, the charioteers.

They cry unto the night their battle-name:
I moan in sleep when I hear afar their whirling laughter.
They cleave the gloom of dreams, a blinding flame,
Clanging, clanging upon the heart as upon an anvil.

They come shaking in triumph their long, green hair:
They come out of the sea and run shouting by the shore.
My heart, have you no wisdom thus to despair?
My love, my love, my love, why have you left me alone?

I don't really remember what we learned about it, but I know we studied it, and it stuck with me. Years later, when I was caught up in the mire of depression and the turmoil of a failing relationship, it expressed my fear and bewilderment better than anything else.

This week has been kindof all Passions, all week. In addition to the standard Palm Sunday Passion liturgy, there was an afternoon Palm Sunday devotion including the music of Stainer and Maunder. There was the Bach St John Passion on Tuesday night at St Paul's Cathedral. At Nearest Church we had Stations of the Cross on Wednesday, and then today the Passion was read again.

I keep hearing this, in various transliterations:

אֵלִי אֵלִי לָמָה עֲזַבְתָּנִי

(Usually translated as "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?")

And in my head, this year, it has been associated with the last line of that poem as much as with Psalm 22. It's odd, the connections a mind will make. I don't know what triggered it. I just know that I imagine Jesus on the Cross, crying out to God, and somehow these are the words:

My love, my love, my love, why have you left me alone?

General Synod

Psalm 13 (Common Worship translation)

How long will you forget me, O Lord; for ever? •
How long will you hide your face from me?

How long shall I have anguish in my soul and grief in my heart, day after day? •
How long shall my enemy triumph over me?

Look upon me and answer, O Lord my God; •
lighten my eyes, lest I sleep in death;

Lest my enemy say, 'I have prevailed against him,' •
and my foes rejoice that I have fallen.

But I put my trust in your steadfast love; •
my heart will rejoice in your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord, •
for he has dealt so bountifully with me.

-----

How long will I feel ashamed of how the church treats women?

How long will I feel ashamed of how the church treats LGBT people?

How long will I fear to speak openly, even here, of those issues of equality and fairness which affect me personally?

I don't know. I can't know. I am sometimes too weary even to think about how long these things might take.

But if the Christian claim of salvation and mercy is true, if the Christian hope of unconditional love is true, it won't be forever.

That is the song I will keep singing.

Here's hoping and fervently praying that General Synod will be full of love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. (Thanks, @philritchie!)