Wednesday, 1 April 2009

On transformation

I'm really tired; it's been a very busy month. But I get to rest now. I'm working half days for the rest of this week and probably most of next, too. I'm even planning on getting out of London briefly.

I wrote this in an e-mail to a friend last night, and I guess it sums things up nicely:

I don't know quite whether I need to grow a thicker skin or shed the one I'm wearing. I'm leaning toward the latter as it doesn't seem to fit very well and all the best things (in music and in the rest of life) seem to happen when I can let go of being so defensive and fearful, but of course I'm also worried about the soft squishy bits underneath, I don't want to end up hiding under a rock. Maybe the skin falls off on its own when the bits it is meant to protect grow too big for it. Or maybe I need to get more sleep! But I can't quite write this off as tiredness, it's been a running issue for too long. It does seem to have come into focus rather a lot in recent weeks.

I don't usually think of times when I'm so very busy as times of growth and change, but I do seem to have been doing some growing and changing despite, or perhaps because of, the amount of work I've done recently. It's not that I think I ever really stand still, more that I seem to be much more aware of changes as they're happening, now, than I have been previously.

As a result of that I have a bunch of posts half-formed in my head. I often need to put things into words and sentences to understand them properly and blogging is one way of doing that. But first I'm going to catch up on some rest.


it's margaret said...

Song, I don't know if you check previous posts, but I left a comment on your Sunday post.

I love your thought about getting a thicker skin or outgrowing the one you have. How wonderful!

Song in my Heart said...

Hi Margaret,

Many thanks for dropping by. I get comments e-mailed to me so did get the one you left on my other post.

Song in my Heart said...

And I've been saying for ages that I don't have a thick enough skin for certain types of work, but it is only starting to sink in that for other types, the vulnerability of honesty is what allows me to do a good job at all.