Friday, 26 March 2010

Swings and roundabouts

I'm feeling better than I was the other day. Thinking about big stuff from my past always takes it out of me a bit; it's just tiring.

I'm still uncertain about some things. I still have a stinking cold, which always makes me more vulnerable to feelings of uncertainty. I still have more to do than I can actually think about, though I think I'm getting through some of it pretty well.

I asked Sweetie to look after me a bit, bring me some soup and some comfort food and put me to bed early, and he did and it helped. I stepped away from the comment thread that was making me think about all this, even though someone is wrong on the internet. I've been trying to get things done but I've also given myself permission to postpone some things and back out of others while my body and brain sort themselves out, and that also helped. I've allowed myself the delight of getting distracted, despite being very busy, by this wonderful season of planting in the garden, pottering and re-potting, starting to grow food for later in the year. That helped too. I spoke to a wise friend, and there was prayer and understanding there, the like of which I can't easily explain. That helped a lot more than anything else has. I understand a bit more of what is going on in my head, why this particular thing has spooked me, how to approach it safely. I have been reassured that my judgement is correct by someone who I know would tell me if she thought otherwise, and whose own judgement I respect. And somehow, knowing there are two of us asking God for guidance on the matter makes it a little easier.

I'm feeling a lot better today.

So of course, now I have hurt my foot. In the immortal words of Donald Swann: "What a pity!"

I'm sure it will be fine in a day or two.


Ernest said...

Praying here as well.

Song in my Heart said...

Ernest, I am very grateful for your prayers, too.